Go Tweet Yourself

I have recently finished reading a book called “Go Tweet Yourself” in which the author, Janelle Randazza, expresses her frustration towards social networking sites in a very honest and humorous manner.

Below are some of her quotes that caught my attention the most:

“We have entered a new age of excess, […] we’re turning toward an overabundance of blather, in the form of insipid Status Update, over-posting of photos, over-liking of posts, and self-important drivel about what color socks we plan to wear and what brand of ketchup we prefer on our fries.”

“Penguins know how to hang, how to take time out to share a fish- and how to listen. No obsessive tweeting goes on in Antarctica. We could learn a thing or two from a penguin.”

“There are better ways to know thyself than by updating your Twitter feed, where self-realization is bookended between one friend’s broadcast that they’re buying a dozen donuts and another’s declaration that he’s about to take his dog out for a poop.”

“Do you really need the up-to-the minute updates of what all of your friends are doing at every second? I think what you need is a nice, long walk. (Leave your Crackberry at home.)”

“Twitter has inspired people to talk about the stupid and to talk about it with greater frequency than you would have ever thought possible. And […] the next thing you know it’s chirping at you so insistently you feel like you’re stuck in the parakeet cage at the pet store.”

“I know why the caged bird sings! It’s because some jerk told her to shut up after she tweeted 140 characters.”

“How much social media can one person handle before it makes them anti-social? And before they cease to care? All this sensory overload is giving me PTSMD. Yes, that’s right; it’s Paust-Traumatic Social Media Disorder.”

“I have enough inane thoughts running through my own head on a daily basis; I don’t need yours to cause interference.”

“Twitter is IM, only without the instant gratification of actually having a conversation. […] It’s like IM for the introvert.”

“At least with e-mail people could insert cute little emoticons that made you feel special. Now everyone talks like those robots from the original Battlestar Galactica.”

“Why don’t you get off Twitter and start yourself a blog? Consider it a promotion.”

“Whenever there is money to be made, you can be certain some a-hole will do his best to destroy your faith in humanity.”

“Facebook has taken self-absorption to the next level, and evidently I’m on the express elevator up.”

“Why must Facebook make everyone of us talk like we’re suffering from dissociative disorder?”

“Remember the days when something awesome happened and you got so excited to go home and tell your friends about it. […] No more. Now we’ve got the insta-updates. And thanks to your obsession with updating from your phone, I really don’t feel like I need to waste my time with you anymore. I’m sure you feel the same.”

“My advice to you is to defriend wisely. Because they come back. And, like adult acne, they will keep coming back unless you properly deal with them.”

“Your status updates are not your therapy journal.”

“How much fun are you really having if you have the time to constantly post about how much fun you’re having? If the party you’re at is so damn awesome, shouldn’t you be having an awesome time rather than whipping out your iPhone to update your Facebook status so everyone knows what an awesome time you’re having?”

“I finally pull myself away from my computer long enough to take a walk, and what happens? I end up hearing a group of people talking incessantly about Facebook at the ice cream stand. This is ice cream! Pay attention to the delicious sweet creaminess before you. If even an amazing ice cream cone can’t get the attention of the human race, then I think we’re stepping into seriously dangerous territory.”

“While the presentation of these virtual cupcakes is truly divine, licking my monitor sucks. As a matter of fact, my monitor tastes like Windex.”

“I need a secretary to keep track of it all. […] They’ve got you Twittering, and YouTubing, and Facebooking. […] But that’s not enough. […] And then everyone is nudging you because you don’t have time to tweet because you still don’t get the point of Twitter.”